Jan 4, 2010

Why do I feel this way?

I don't know what is going on with me lately.  I don't know if it's because of the holidays or the weather or what, but all I know is I just feel so depressed all I want to do is cry.  My two youngest children have therapy 1-2 times a week and I am supposed to continue it at home the rest of the week.  I will admit I have not had the urge to do any or haven't done any and I feel like I am letting my children down, as they are the only one who suffer.   Also, I haven't been wanting to do any housework or scrap booking or even writing on this blog.  I had to force myself to do this!  I don't even want to play the computer games i.e.-diner dash and I really like playing them.

I am so cold all the time and I know what you're thinking--maybe she needs her thyroid checked.  Well, I have that checked at least 1 time a year--maybe more---family history and a recent goiter found--woowhoo.  I have been having this pain--so intense.  If anyone has ever had a c-section before and remembers the pain afterwards--that is exactly what I am feeling---but all the time.  I am taking a pain medication for it (doctors RX). That seems to help, but lately it's only been making it less severe--when it used to get rid of it completely.  This pain makes is so I can't sneeze, cough, laugh, lay down, sit up or even have the cat sit on me without wincing in pain and holding my abdomen.  I  mean sitting here typing this and I can feel sharp pains all thru my abdomen  area.. I was told by my doctor that I need physical therapy in order to help the pain.  The pain will never go away completely, but with therapy it should get less intense.  I also now have to be followed by the doctor more, because during a cat scan they found a spot on my right lung! Oh can you stand it. When it rains, it pours.

All I want to do is take a nice HOT bath, and go to bed!

My husband has been awesome thru this and I am so worried that I am going to make him want to leave.  I know he says he doesn't want to, but people can only take so much before they throw their hands up.

I just want to feel better, and I want this year to be so much better than past years.  I want to get out of debt, put some money away for savings, lose weight and just have a fun year.


  1. Lori, you're not crazy - know that. I could've written this post, truly almost word for word, about seven years ago. I had an emergency cesarean with my second son and it was all downhill from there. It took a whole year of trying different therapies, including physical therapy and medication, before my doctor finally decided to do a hysterectomy. The pain was that bad. They didn't know until they'd done the surgery that I had "an enormous amount of scar tissue built up". After about six months of recovery I started feeling poorly again, and it was worse than the abdominal pain - everything hurt, and I do mean everything. When I blinked, my eyelashes felt like they were cutting my face, the tips of my fingers and toes throbbed, I couldn't seem to sleep more than a half hour without being jerked awake with pain. It took another two years of seeing doctor after doctor after doctor before I finally was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It took even longer than that to find a treatment mixture that worked.
    Talk to your doctor, and don't give up. Many doctors will wave people away thinking they're hypochondriacs, especially, (as was my case), when you look young and healthy. You just have to demand someone find the problem so you can work on a solution. I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder, (SAD), which causes horrible depression in the winter. I know what you're feeling. School will be closed for the third day in a row here tomorrow and I'm already dreading it. Two full weeks with them during the holidays is plenty enough, no matter how much you love them!
    Do take that bath and stay in there as long as you can. It does help. Heck, take five baths a day if you have to. And make sure you do whatever it is you like to do most, whether it's scrapbooking, reading, cooking, anything, even if you have to force yourself to do it. You'll feel better.

  2. I'm sorry to hear how badly you are feeling. First I just wanted to say that you might actually like physical therapy. When I went for a neck issue, it was awesome. Yes, I learned exercises for it, but they also did ultrasound and heat therapy, both of which felt great. It would at least give you a break for a few minutes with someone taking care of you!

    I am not saying this is what it is, but I did want to share that I have dealt with depression for several years and that a combination of medication and therapy are crucial to get yourself in a place where you can start to do the things you need and want to do.

    I do believe in the power of prayer, but I also believe that we can take advantage of modern medicine to get better as well.

    When I am really stressed out like you described, my best bet is more sleep and/or something that gives me a break (a quiet house for a couple of hours, a walk outside, a fun time with a friend). It doesn't fix everything, but it can get me through the roughest part.