Why do I feel this way?

I don't know what is going on with me lately.  I don't know if it's because of the holidays or the weather or what, but all I know is I just feel so depressed all I want to do is cry.  My two youngest children have therapy 1-2 times a week and I am supposed to continue it at home the rest of the week.  I will admit I have not had the urge to do any or haven't done any and I feel like I am letting my children down, as they are the only one who suffer.   Also, I haven't been wanting to do any housework or scrap booking or even writing on this blog.  I had to force myself to do this!  I don't even want to play the computer games i.e.-diner dash and I really like playing them.

I am so cold all the time and I know what you're thinking--maybe she needs her thyroid checked.  Well, I have that checked at least 1 time a year--maybe more---family history and a recent goiter found--woowhoo.  I have been having this pain--so intense.  If anyone has ever had a c-section before and remembers the pain afterwards--that is exactly what I am feeling---but all the time.  I am taking a pain medication for it (doctors RX). That seems to help, but lately it's only been making it less severe--when it used to get rid of it completely.  This pain makes is so I can't sneeze, cough, laugh, lay down, sit up or even have the cat sit on me without wincing in pain and holding my abdomen.  I  mean sitting here typing this and I can feel sharp pains all thru my abdomen  area.. I was told by my doctor that I need physical therapy in order to help the pain.  The pain will never go away completely, but with therapy it should get less intense.  I also now have to be followed by the doctor more, because during a cat scan they found a spot on my right lung! Oh can you stand it. When it rains, it pours.

All I want to do is take a nice HOT bath, and go to bed!

My husband has been awesome thru this and I am so worried that I am going to make him want to leave.  I know he says he doesn't want to, but people can only take so much before they throw their hands up.

I just want to feel better, and I want this year to be so much better than past years.  I want to get out of debt, put some money away for savings, lose weight and just have a fun year.

Take The Snow Please.

I will have to admit snow is pretty, especially when it is on a field and there are no foot prints in it.  It looks so calm & peaceful.   However, we (New England) are getting dump on and everything is just a sloppy mess.  It is so hard to drive or just plain get around.  Kids are supposed to go back to school tomorrow after the long holiday break and now they probably will have a snow day!  UGH. 

I just wanted to say Goodbye to 2009 and Happy New Year 2010 to everyone and I hope the new year goes well and we start to see some wonderful turn around for our country and the world.  We need it.

Happy New Year!

holiday hum-bug?

I don't know if its me or if other people feel this way-but I am really starting to dislike this time of year.  I used to love Christmas & the feeling behind it, but as of the last couple years it just feels like its all about the gifts & spend-spend-spend. If you don't spend, then you are crap!  I mean Halloween isn't even over yet and the stores are putting up Christmas decorations and playing Christmas Music.  By the time the holiday gets here-it has lost it's luster.

Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me?



I don't know maybe its because Nolan doesn't get anything out of opening presents or any of the holiday spirit. It bothers me--I know Nolan is who he is and he is getting what he gets out of the season, but it is still frustrating/upseting to a parent--because the joy on the kids faces is a huge part of it & we are missing that with Nolan. 

I also feel that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost.  Society has made it all about money/gifts & take/take/take. It is so hard to teach your children different when the world is the way it is.  I really want to go back to church & teach my children the true meaning, but I'm worried about taking Nolan to church & I am not leaving him a sitter every sunday.  Let me say, we have been told to come to church and then when we do, we were not made to feel welcome.  All this was before Nolan was diganosed.  My worry now is he is to old to go into the daycare @ church-but can't go into sunday school without assistance.  He certainly can't sit in a pew for an hour---We are going to talk to a church pastor after the first of the year and explain our situation--maybe that will help.  Maybe they would be willing to come out to our house instead??

Has anyone else had this situation? If so, what did you do about it? I would appreciate of any suggestions.

My first blog post

Howdy. My name is Lori and I am new to blogging. I'm married-13 years. I have 3 children-ages 12,6, & 4 1/2. My 6 year old has ADHD and my 4 1/2 year old has Autism. My husband said that this would be good for me--he said it would help me vent/get new ideas etc for my 2 special needs children.

Nolan my 4 1/2 year old has me so worried some days. We are SOOOO hard trying to potty train him (for the last few weeks) & he doesn't even have a clue as to why I am bringing him in the bathroom every 15 minutes. He will sit there for 5 even 10 minutes not doing anything, then as soon as his pull up is back on, he uses it! UGH! He is also stimming like crazy lately. He will run back and forth thru the house-covering his ears, humming or as my husband says making noise like the Tasmanian devil from the looney tunes cartoons! I chuckle at that statement because if I don't I will need to be put in a white padded room. I worry about him so much. He is supposed to start kindergarten next year, but I am not sure how that will happen when he is so far behind! I mean he can list his numbers, letters, colors & he can boot up the computer, click on his sign in and play one of my games--like diner dash & he is good at it. He can even get onto nickjr without assistance. However, he can't use the toilet, brush his teeth without help or tell me what hurts or what he wants-unless I give him suggestions. Sometimes when I do give suggestions, they are not correct--so I have to keep guessing! I just look at him and want to hug him and keep him from the big bad world, but I can't. I would love to take away the autism, but then I get the "that is a part of Nolan-it makes him who he is". Well you know what, people need to start looking at this from the parents point of view & then maybe they would understand! I guess I am just feeling frustrated today.

My 6 year old Madison has ADHD--which in itself is a good thing. Let me explain why I say that. She was born @ 27.5 weeks. She weighed 2lbs 4ozs and was 14in long. She almost died on us three times & has a HUGE medical history. To hear a doctor tell you "get here as fast as you can, your daughter won't make it thru the night"---(I'm crying while I am writing this) She went thru some things that a child should never have to go thru and I am not saying that someone else child didn't go thru worse---just in my situation that was the worst I have ever been thru. You would think after 6 years I would be "over it", but it's not gone---only less intense. I look at her everyday and just thank GOD that she is here, because she shouldn't be. She is a spitfire. She is the size of a 3 year old-can't gain weight for anything (wish I had that problem) & won't take crap from anyone--even her brother who out weighs her by 35lbs & about 5inches.

My eldest is 12y/7th grade could be doing better in school & feels like she can treat us like crap & then not have any sort of punishment happen. This am-dad was in the shower, I was sorting laundry and Madison needed help in the bathroom. Dad asked Kaleigh to get some wipes & help her sister and the reaction we got was "O-COME ON!"--followed by stomping down the hall & when we tried to explain to her once again about the attitude, she said "I wasn't doing anything". I know part of it is the age-but man if I EVER talked to my parents like that I wouldn't be standing & my mother has even told Kaleigh this and still the same attitude! She also feels like we have to buy her everything--even going so far to say that "we never buy her anything!" We can't figure it out, but she has never been given everything she wants/when she wants it & she acts like shes entitled. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter very much--she just frustrates me!--UGH.

I'll stop for now-hope I did ok on my first blog-thanks for reading. will love to read any posts/comments.