Nothing More, Nothing Less

Over & Over

2010-05-31T19:49:00.000-04:00

Why is it I feel like a broken record? Everyday its the same thing over and over again. Nolan back away from the TV--turn the volume down---stop folding the rug in half--stop bouncing up and down as hard as you can making it sound like an earthquake- stop banging the window with your head--stop running back and forth through the house sounding like the tasmanian devil! Everytime I tell him to do something--such as go potty its met with a head throw back and a whiney NO & I have to force him to do whatever it is. OMG lately we have been into blues clues HARD--it wouldn't be so bad, but its the same episodes over & over again! If we try to watch TV-its met with all of the above and then some. Atleast if its on some of it stops. Don't get me wrong, we do watch TV or change directions in the car or give him something or make him do something he doesn't want--but its very hard. I know my older daughter gets frustrated (shes 12) because he seems to get "his way" more. Trust me its not on purpose--its to keep the peace. I have had days when Nolan is crying so hard/loud that I am waiting for the cops to show up! He will scream as hard as he can because I make him stop banging his head against the window.

I know it sounds like I'm whining--but sometimes I feel like I am in the "boat" all by myself and its sinking fast and I cant get out. I know I'm not by myself--I have my husband & blog followers to vent to--but I know its gets tiring to listen to all the time. I wish our families were more supportive & available to talk with--but sadly our communication is next to nothing. We don't know if its they are embarrassed/don't know how to deal with Nolan or just plain don't want to. Which is really not fair to him--he DID NOT ASK TO BE BORN THIS WAY!!!! As far as friends are concerned--we have a few that are much better at communicating with us then our families.

Anyway--we've had some good time recently. Nolan turned 5 in April and it seems so hard to believe. We gave him a birthday party at a Gymnastics place & he loved it. We had about 20 kids join us and Nolans OT--who is also is part time PCA & he did wonderful with waiting for his turn and watching other kids play. It was awesome! Then in Mid-May we went to Hampton Beach and he had a great time. He didn't want to get out of the water--even tho' it was COLD! He wasn't a fan of the sand-but he did great.

My Madison who HATES getting her hair wet was also amazing. She played in the sand & the water. She also helped the other kids (we went with another family) even look for crabs/seastars etc. It was a good time.

I am trying to blog more often--but we will see how that goes. It helps to get things off your mind & bounce things/ideas off others. I appreciate everybodys comments

potty training

2010-05-09T17:55:00.000-04:00

I thought I would send a quick blog about Nolan Potty Training. He has been training since mid April and is doing well. We've had a few accidents--but nothing major. He is even asking to use the potty sometimes at home and at school.

We discovered that he liked the feeling of the pull up against his parts & we think it sent a signal to go. Almost as soon as we "cold turkeyed" the pull ups he didn't have a BM everyday (or several times a day for that matter) or didn't urinate frequently. We went "commando" for a while & he was good and then we tried to use underware and the accidents started--so we went back to commando and then we were given a suggestion of using boxers and those did the trick--so boxers it is.

I mean don't get me wrong he still has mistakes--matter of fact he had one while I'm writing this. He doesn't really have a pattern yet--but we have seen him go about to 3 hours without going or he will start going and then stop & restart. You know what tho' I'll take the few accidents over having him in a pull up. I never thought he would train---I seriously thought he would be in high school still in a pull up--so good for him. I think by the end of summer he will be good to go & thank GOD because kindergarten starts in September and that was one of my biggest worries about him starting kindergarten.

Thanks to everyone who is a follower of mine and being patient with my few and far between blogs. Hopefully they can pick up soon.

Make your heart melt.

2010-03-03T13:33:00.000-05:00

Nolan goes to school 5 days a week and on two of them I pick him up @ 12:45 for his therapies. This past Monday when I went to get him at school, he and his teacher were waiting outside for me to get there. As I pulled up I saw that Nolan was trying to go back into the school and the teacher (bless her heart) was doing all she could to keep him outside.

I parked the car and got out and said "Nolan" to get his attention. As soon as he heard that, he turned around and said "MOMMY" and ran down the ramp all excited towards me! I just about started to cry right there!

To most parents, having their children call them MOMMY and be excited to see them is almost taken for granted. In my case Nolan is autistic and has never called me MOMMY or been excited to see me. He is just now starting to say Hi Mom/Dad when he sees us and he will be 5 in April.

He has come so far. I will admit that there are days when I worry that he will never talk and have to be put in a home when he is older--then days like this come along and it just makes it all go away.

why isn't autism therapy worth it?

2010-01-21T20:21:00.000-05:00

My son Nolan is 4 1/2 and was diagnosed with autism in 2007. He needs lots of assistance & still requires lots of speech, OT and PT's. Let me say if there was a line where I could stand so I could take away autism from my son and anyone else for that matter I would be there in a heartbeat. I wouldn't wish autism on anyone. We have been told time and time again that Nolan needs at least two OT, PT and Speech visit each week and right now, he can't have them. The reason for that is not because his dad or I are unable to take him or that the therapist doesn't have space. NO--it's because of some person/persons in an insurance company far from here and from our lives that decided because, Nolan has this diagnosis that he is not entitled to these services. The reason they feel this way is because he won't progress fast enough! Basically they are telling me my son isn't worth the time or money! However, if he didn't have this diagnosis they would pay for the services. My daughter Madison gets OT and it's paid for (she's not autistic). Who are these people to decide that just because some is autistic that they won't make any progress or that they will make slow progress?

Do these people have this in their families? I don't believe that they do--because if they did--the law would change in a heartbeat!

I guess I'm just PO'd. My son is the only one suffering--no one else. What these insurance companies don't see is the long run. It has been shown time and time again-that with proper intervention that autistic make wonderful progress. I have seen it in my own child. Perfect example-today we went to the eye doctor with dad and we sat in the waiting room for about 20 minutes before he went in. Then we waited another 20 minutes and Nolan did fantastic. He played with the toys that were there. He asked me for tickle/squeezes and he "sang" the blues clues song. He did flick the lights a couple of times, but I told him no and he stopped. We lasted almost an hour and then I took him out because I could tell that he wouldn't be able to handle much more. Let me tell you--6 months ago, he wouldn't have even lasted the first 20 minutes! He would have "melted" down in very short order. So for someone to say that they are not worth it (and they say that by not covering the therapies) ---is a bunch of crap!

I ask anyone who makes those decisions -first live with it and then decide. If you take care of it now while they are young-the cost when they are older is much less--because they require less services. I put it this way---imagine you have a 2 foot hole in the road. The crew comes to fix it, they only put enough fill in it to equal 1 foot, and they didn't smooth it out. Eventually it grows to 5 feet and again they fill it--but only so much. They keep just "breezing" it over. Soon the hole is enough to swallow your car. Now they have to tear the road down to the dirt--regrade it and then repave it. Instead of just fixing it CORRECTLY when it was a small hole. Now it has cost them twice as much and they caused aggravation to everyone around.

Anyway, enough ranting. I'm just upset--it just seems like everything is at a stand still and I can't make it go. I want my son to have as much a "normal" life as possible.

Why do I feel this way?

2010-01-04T14:24:00.000-05:00

I don't know what is going on with me lately. I don't know if it's because of the holidays or the weather or what, but all I know is I just feel so depressed all I want to do is cry. My two youngest children have therapy 1-2 times a week and I am supposed to continue it at home the rest of the week. I will admit I have not had the urge to do any or haven't done any and I feel like I am letting my children down, as they are the only one who suffer. Also, I haven't been wanting to do any housework or scrap booking or even writing on this blog. I had to force myself to do this! I don't even want to play the computer games i.e.-diner dash and I really like playing them.

I am so cold all the time and I know what you're thinking--maybe she needs her thyroid checked. Well, I have that checked at least 1 time a year--maybe more---family history and a recent goiter found--woowhoo. I have been having this pain--so intense. If anyone has ever had a c-section before and remembers the pain afterwards--that is exactly what I am feeling---but all the time. I am taking a pain medication for it (doctors RX). That seems to help, but lately it's only been making it less severe--when it used to get rid of it completely. This pain makes is so I can't sneeze, cough, laugh, lay down, sit up or even have the cat sit on me without wincing in pain and holding my abdomen. I mean sitting here typing this and I can feel sharp pains all thru my abdomen area.. I was told by my doctor that I need physical therapy in order to help the pain. The pain will never go away completely, but with therapy it should get less intense. I also now have to be followed by the doctor more, because during a cat scan they found a spot on my right lung! Oh can you stand it. When it rains, it pours.

All I want to do is take a nice HOT bath, and go to bed!

My husband has been awesome thru this and I am so worried that I am going to make him want to leave. I know he says he doesn't want to, but people can only take so much before they throw their hands up.

I just want to feel better, and I want this year to be so much better than past years. I want to get out of debt, put some money away for savings, lose weight and just have a fun year.

Take The Snow Please.

2010-01-03T18:40:00.001-05:00

I will have to admit snow is pretty, especially when it is on a field and there are no foot prints in it. It looks so calm & peaceful. However, we (New England) are getting dump on and everything is just a sloppy mess. It is so hard to drive or just plain get around. Kids are supposed to go back to school tomorrow after the long holiday break and now they probably will have a snow day! UGH.

I just wanted to say Goodbye to 2009 and Happy New Year 2010 to everyone and I hope the new year goes well and we start to see some wonderful turn around for our country and the world. We need it.

Happy New Year!

holiday hum-bug?

2009-12-29T13:14:00.000-05:00

I don't know if its me or if other people feel this way-but I am really starting to dislike this time of year. I used to love Christmas & the feeling behind it, but as of the last couple years it just feels like its all about the gifts & spend-spend-spend. If you don't spend, then you are crap! I mean Halloween isn't even over yet and the stores are putting up Christmas decorations and playing Christmas Music. By the time the holiday gets here-it has lost it's luster.

Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me?

I don't know maybe its because Nolan doesn't get anything out of opening presents or any of the holiday spirit. It bothers me--I know Nolan is who he is and he is getting what he gets out of the season, but it is still frustrating/upseting to a parent--because the joy on the kids faces is a huge part of it & we are missing that with Nolan.

I also feel that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost. Society has made it all about money/gifts & take/take/take. It is so hard to teach your children different when the world is the way it is. I really want to go back to church & teach my children the true meaning, but I'm worried about taking Nolan to church & I am not leaving him a sitter every sunday. Let me say, we have been told to come to church and then when we do, we were not made to feel welcome. All this was before Nolan was diganosed. My worry now is he is to old to go into the daycare @ church-but can't go into sunday school without assistance. He certainly can't sit in a pew for an hour---We are going to talk to a church pastor after the first of the year and explain our situation--maybe that will help. Maybe they would be willing to come out to our house instead??

Has anyone else had this situation? If so, what did you do about it? I would appreciate of any suggestions.

My first blog post

2009-12-27T19:37:00.001-05:00

Howdy. My name is Lori and I am new to blogging. I'm married-13 years. I have 3 children-ages 12,6, & 4 1/2. My 6 year old has ADHD and my 4 1/2 year old has Autism. My husband said that this would be good for me--he said it would help me vent/get new ideas etc for my 2 special needs children.

Nolan my 4 1/2 year old has me so worried some days. We are SOOOO hard trying to potty train him (for the last few weeks) & he doesn't even have a clue as to why I am bringing him in the bathroom every 15 minutes. He will sit there for 5 even 10 minutes not doing anything, then as soon as his pull up is back on, he uses it! UGH! He is also stimming like crazy lately. He will run back and forth thru the house-covering his ears, humming or as my husband says making noise like the Tasmanian devil from the looney tunes cartoons! I chuckle at that statement because if I don't I will need to be put in a white padded room. I worry about him so much. He is supposed to start kindergarten next year, but I am not sure how that will happen when he is so far behind! I mean he can list his numbers, letters, colors & he can boot up the computer, click on his sign in and play one of my games--like diner dash & he is good at it. He can even get onto nickjr without assistance. However, he can't use the toilet, brush his teeth without help or tell me what hurts or what he wants-unless I give him suggestions. Sometimes when I do give suggestions, they are not correct--so I have to keep guessing! I just look at him and want to hug him and keep him from the big bad world, but I can't. I would love to take away the autism, but then I get the "that is a part of Nolan-it makes him who he is". Well you know what, people need to start looking at this from the parents point of view & then maybe they would understand! I guess I am just feeling frustrated today.

My 6 year old Madison has ADHD--which in itself is a good thing. Let me explain why I say that. She was born @ 27.5 weeks. She weighed 2lbs 4ozs and was 14in long. She almost died on us three times & has a HUGE medical history. To hear a doctor tell you "get here as fast as you can, your daughter won't make it thru the night"---(I'm crying while I am writing this) She went thru some things that a child should never have to go thru and I am not saying that someone else child didn't go thru worse---just in my situation that was the worst I have ever been thru. You would think after 6 years I would be "over it", but it's not gone---only less intense. I look at her everyday and just thank GOD that she is here, because she shouldn't be. She is a spitfire. She is the size of a 3 year old-can't gain weight for anything (wish I had that problem) & won't take crap from anyone--even her brother who out weighs her by 35lbs & about 5inches.

My eldest is 12y/7th grade could be doing better in school & feels like she can treat us like crap & then not have any sort of punishment happen. This am-dad was in the shower, I was sorting laundry and Madison needed help in the bathroom. Dad asked Kaleigh to get some wipes & help her sister and the reaction we got was "O-COME ON!"--followed by stomping down the hall & when we tried to explain to her once again about the attitude, she said "I wasn't doing anything". I know part of it is the age-but man if I EVER talked to my parents like that I wouldn't be standing & my mother has even told Kaleigh this and still the same attitude! She also feels like we have to buy her everything--even going so far to say that "we never buy her anything!" We can't figure it out, but she has never been given everything she wants/when she wants it & she acts like shes entitled. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter very much--she just frustrates me!--UGH.

I'll stop for now-hope I did ok on my first blog-thanks for reading. will love to read any posts/comments.